A.K.A: And They Wonder Why So Many Graduates Are Unemployed
I’ll put this bluntly: Some job adverts are completely awful. Bad spelling, bad grammar. No mention of a place, company, or description of the role, all replaced with all-caps rambling about PAYING OFF YOUR STUDENT LOANS BY THIS TIME NEXT YEAR and ARE YOU AN AMBITIOUS DEGREE HOLDER? It makes me wonder if it would be so incredibly hard to create an advert along the lines of ‘BlahBlah Limited is a company specialising in Things, based in A Place. We are looking for a recent graduate to fill the role of Something Something. The job includes this, that, and the other. You will be expected to work these hours. We will pay you this much money.’
These ambiguous job adverts are how you end up applying for three jobs, getting offered an interview for all of them, realising they all rang you off the same phone number, doing a bit of snooping and finding out that it’s all a massive door-to-door sales scam that is basically run out of a shed and is more likely to take your money than pay you any.*
I just read one of my job email newsletters (of which I receive four daily**) and under job title are the words ‘8 WEEKS UNTIL XMAS’. No… no, sorry. That’s not a job title. ‘CALLING ALL GRADS – HAVE YOU CONSIDERED A CAREER IN RECRUITMENT?’ What is this? Will you please stop shouting at me? CALLING ALL EMPLOYERS, STEP AWAY FROM THE CAPS LOCK!
After all this extensive job-hunting, and subsequent whinging, I feel like I’m quite equipped now to offer a bit of advice on how to navigate the weird and wonderful word of graduate job adverts.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Chances are there’s no such thing as a part-time job in a creative company, no experience required, immediate start, with a £20k salary. Feel free to prove me wrong if this describes your own job, but… just no. I don’t believe it.
Marketing does not necessarily mean what you think it means, and nor does fundraising. More often than not it’s just a fancy way of saying ‘telesales’ or ‘door-to-door sales’ or ‘leafleting’ while escaping the negative connotations.
Just because you set your search parameters to, for example, ‘jobs in Bristol’, ‘salary between £15-18k’, and ‘secretarial, admin & PA jobs’ does not mean that the search results aren’t going to return an unpaid fashion magazine internship in Central London. That’s just the way the internet (and the job market) work, I am afraid.
* This is a completely true story, folks. Steer well clear of job adverts that shout things at you about marketing & sales. Also if they mention charity fundraising. They are dirty liars who are abusing the good-natured among us who ‘charity work?! I want me some of that!’