1. The Snob
The Snob will turn their nose up at the halls the moment they arrive, and may not lower it until the day they move out. They will extend an offer of friendship to you with the words ‘Can you believe there are only 10 showers?’ and kick up a fuss when you sit down to eat in the canteen that evening. While they dangle a mushy sausage from their fork, you will see in their eyes the sheer horror that has dawned on them: they have to live here for the whole year. While everyone else adapts to the situation and comes to view the lack of showers and awful food as part of life, The Snob will continue to moan, to tell everyone in earshot how their friend at another uni lives in really nice halls, to visit home at every chance they get. No matter how bad your halls really are: don’t be the snob. Chalk it up to life experience, go to the greengrocers every once in a while, and wear flip flops in the shower.
2. The Waster
The Waster will wave their parents goodbye and immediately whip out a bottle of Jagermeister and a bag of weed. They will be drunk before you’ve unpacked your bedding. They’ll still be partying when the wardens decide a 7am fire drill is necessary. They will continue to view getting wasted as the most important activity long after Freshers week has passed, long after everyone has run out of money, and long after you have sworn you’ll never drink again. (Hint: You probably will.) Their antics will become a standard part of everyone’s conversation – ‘He was running around naked on the ground floor! Says he doesn’t even remember it!’
3. The Over-Dresser
The Over-Dresser (likely to be a girl) is the person who wears nicer clothes to their Tuesday morning lectures than you do on your birthday night out. They can be spotted trotting around the campus library wearing 5 inch heels. You’ll feel a bit sick with envy as they saunter past you looking like they have just stepped out of the pages of Vogue, and you’ll look at your own clothes and wonder if you should start ironing them. When the weather gets colder and you’ve become physically attached to your university crested hoodie and wooly hat, they will produce a vintage faux-fur coat and beret from the back of their cupboard and continue to dazzle. The one day that you’re so hungover you can’t face clothes, even to go to the canteen, is the day that they will be wearing a dress that wouldn’t look out of place at a high society party, and you will die of shame, stood in your fleecy pyjamas clutching a plastic tray of fish fingers and chips.
4. The Skiver
The Waster and The Skiver might be the same person, but not necessarily. The Skiver will go to approximately 10% of their lectures in first year. They will make excuses at first – they missed the bus, they hadn’t been given the right timetable, their alarm didn’t go off – but eventually the excuses will fizzle out and it will become common knowledge that while they may be enrolled in a degree course, they don’t really go to uni. Their lecturers likely don’t know who they are, or know them as the kid who never turns up. They might be called into a meeting to discuss their non-attendance. They might not attend that meeting. Miraculously they will scrape through, pass the year, and you will quietly seethe with anger.
5. The Best Friend(s)
All jokes aside, there’s a chance you will meet some amazing friends in halls. The Best Friend is the person who hammers on your door to make sure you’re not dead after a heavy night. The person who subs you the money for a pizza when you’ve reached your overdraft limit. The person who will sit and watch the entire first series of Gossip Girl with you and never once mention that exam you have on Monday. The Best Friend is the person who will be your friend in your second year, in your third year, and even when you graduate and are sent off into the big wide world to be a responsible adult.